John Mayer, A Word...

Okay, I will count myself among the many young suburbanite teeney-boppers who used to think they were going to loose their virginity with Your Body is a Wonderland in the background, rather than Peaches and Cream, but after recent attacks of verbal diarrhea on behalf of crooner John Mayer, I'm beginning to reconsider how anyone could've been fooled that he was an all American good ol' boy.  Mayer has been known more for what he tweets and twats rather than producing any good songs of late; he new album Battle Studies is a total snooze-fest.  The bad-boy took kissing and telling to the next level during his new interview with Playboy coming out this month.  While reading The New York Times, also known to me as The Superficial, I nearly lost my instant oatmeal.  Read on if you aren't eating or drinking:

On Jessica Simpson:
"Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just fuckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.'"

On Jennifer Aniston:
"There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules.'"

On nailing groupies to get over their break-up:

"I'm going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that's a reasonable number. So is 15. Here's the thing: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops."

He even looks like a tool here

And he don't look any better here either!

For serious?  First of all, go Jessica, who knew you did more than fart and fluctuate (we're all there with you sister).  Apparently saving yourself for marriage IS great for your sex life, that is, if you leave your husband- no one can have good sex with the person you swiped your V-card too, it would be like wearing whatever you wore to your first day of middle school at age 27.  If I was Jennifer Anniston however, I would slap a bitch silly.  The little d-bag called you old.  Not just like older, but old. He basically compared you to my mother trying to figure out the complexities of writing on someone's facebook wall.  The silver lining here is obviously that it only took him 5 chicks to get over you. WTF?!  Furthermore, does he think he is being funny? Witty? Was comparing Simpson's libido to coke supposed to be some tribute to the late J.D. Sallinger's prose?  Cuz, guess what, it ain't working.

Mayer went on to prove that he is not only an self important ass, he is also stupid making some borderline racist comments I won't dignify with posting.  On his Twitter page he said he is going to stop being so "raw" in his interviews, but why doesn't he stop giving them? Oh, because he can't stop talking about himself? Got it.